How to choose a therapist

Choosing a therapist can feel daunting. Often, the decision to see someone is made after a prolonged period of pain and suffering, and after many other avenues have been explored.

But the moment that the decision has been made- perhaps tentatively and often tinged with expectations from loved ones that ‘now you are finally going to get better’ (no pressure then!) - the process of finding the ‘right’ therapist throws up a whole, new level of complexity.

Male? Female? Non-binary? Older, younger or same age? In person or online? Therapist or counsellor? What specialism do I need? Does the type of therapy matter? How do I know that they are ‘any good’? Is a high fee therapist better than someone who charges less? Where should you even look?

This article seeks to shed a little light on some of these important considerations and suggests a process for finding the right therapist for you.

In the last few years, the number of places to find a therapist has grown hugely. Gone are the times when the BACP and UKCP directories were the main source. Nowadays, they are joined by Psychology Today, Counselling Directory, Wellbeing, Instagram, Facebook, and even TikTok! Most therapists also have their own website and a quick google search for your area will usually yield some results.

I’d encourage you to start with one of the directories because they usually have a vetting service for therapists who want to advertise on their pages. Try to take some of the pressure off yourself if you can by aiming to draw up a short list first. Make yourself a cup of tea and go ‘window shopping.’ Even if you’re unsure at first what kind of therapist you may be looking for, imagining yourself talking to some of the people you see, will give you a pretty good idea about who this feels more possible with.

Ultimately, choosing a therapist is a very personal experience. There is no right or wrong answer. It’s about who feels right for you. Once you have your shortlist, I recommend that you contact your top three. These days, most therapists offer a short intro call, some even a free initial session. I suggest you make full use of this by scheduling two or three intro calls.

The intro call

This is a great opportunity to get an initial feel of the therapist. Use this time to tell them a little about yourself and what you would like help with. As you talk, check if their responses feel supportive and encouraging to you. This is also a good time to explore whether they might be a good fit logistically. Many therapists have limited availability and may not be able to offer you anything if your time window is very limited. The more flexible you can be with your time, the better. Some therapists don’t offer evening sessions, and many operate a waiting list. If so, ask for an indication about wait times. Find out if they see clients online or in person, and what their flexibility is around this. It is likely that you may not be able to find someone who matches all your requirements perfectly and that you’ll need to compromise. At this stage, I recommend staying as open and flexible as you can. When you find someone you feel safe with and who is able to support you and help you to make great progress, you might find that the practical issues suddenly become less important.

If their availability, pricing, location, and expertise match your requirements, I recommend you book an initial session with them.

What to ask in an initial session

Some therapists will make notes during this session and ask you a lot of questions. This can feel a little daunting but bear in mind that a professional therapist should be serious about getting a clear picture of your struggles as they assess their ability to help you. Many clients initially focus on how well they feel listened to and supported. This is, of course, very important, but so is how the therapist explains how they can help you.

Here are some questions you may wish to consider in your initial session:

1.      Do you feel the therapist has understood your struggles and what you have come for?

2.      Have they asked you what your goal is, i.e. how you would like to feel at the end of your sessions?  

3.      Have they given you an explanation of what they think is happening and how they are proposing to work with you?

4.      Have they set out their Ts & Cs to you including their cancellation and confidentiality policy?

You are likely to feel nervous meeting your therapist for the first time, so you may wish to write your questions down if that feels helpful. If their explanation of how they propose to work with you seems hazy or contains too much jargon, ask for clarification. If it’s still not clear, I would see this as a red flag. You’re not looking for a standardized protocol here but therapy that is tailored to you and the difficulties you are experiencing. 

Most therapists won’t expect a decision from you straight away. If they do, walk away! Give yourself some reflection time after the session and check in with how you feel. Did you feel supported? Were your questions answered clearly? Many people will know at this stage if they would like to continue seeing the therapist. However, I would always recommend meeting at least two different therapists so that you get a sense of how they work differently and who may be a better fit for you personally.

Finding the right therapist is a process with an outcome that should benefit you. As such, there is no one way of going about this. Ideally, you want to feel heard, seen and supported immediately, and that within a short period of time you are coming to new understanding and pieces of awareness.  

In my next article, I go into more depth about different types of therapy, the difference between a therapist and counsellor, and whether this matters as well as the practicality of fortnightly sessions.