How to choose a therapist

How to Find the Right Therapist in Brighton

Finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming, especially if you've never had therapy before or if previous experiences haven't felt quite right. In this article, I explore how to choose a therapist, what to look for in an introductory session, and some questions that may help you decide whether someone is the right fit for you.

Choosing a therapist can feel daunting.

Often, the decision to see someone is made after a prolonged period of pain and suffering, and after many other avenues have been explored.

But the moment that the decision has been made—perhaps tentatively and often tinged with expectations from loved ones that "now you are finally going to get better" (no pressure then!)—the process of finding the "right" therapist throws up a whole new level of complexity.

Where Do You Even Begin?

Male? Female? Non-binary?

Older, younger, or the same age?

Does their sexual orientation matter?

In person or online?

Therapist or counsellor?

What specialism do I need?

Does the type of therapy matter?

How do I know they are any good?

Is a high-fee therapist better than someone who charges less?

Where can I find a good therapist?

This article seeks to shed a little light on some of these important considerations and suggests a process for finding the right therapist for you.

Where to find a Therapist

In the last few years, the number of places to find a therapist has grown hugely.

Gone are the times when the BACP and UKCP directories were the main source. Nowadays, they are joined by Psychology Today, Counselling Directory, Wellbeing, Instagram, Facebook, and even TikTok. Most therapists also have their own website, and a quick Google search for therapists in Brighton will usually yield plenty of results.

I'd encourage you to start with one of the directories because they usually have a vetting service for therapists who want to advertise on their pages.

Create a Shortlist First

Try to take some of the pressure off yourself if you can by aiming to draw up a shortlist first.

Make yourself a cup of tea and go "window shopping".

Even if you're unsure at first what kind of therapist you may be looking for, imagining yourself talking to some of the people you see will give you a pretty good idea about who this feels more possible with.

Ultimately, choosing a therapist is a very personal experience. There is no right or wrong answer. It's about who feels right for you.

Once you have your shortlist, I recommend that you contact your top three.

These days, most therapists offer a short introductory call, and some even offer a free initial session. Make full use of this by scheduling two or three introductory calls.

What to look for during an Introductory Call

This is a great opportunity to get an initial feel for the therapist.

Use this time to tell them a little about yourself and what you would like help with.

As you talk, notice whether their responses feel supportive and encouraging to you.

This is also a good time to explore whether they might be a good fit logistically.

Practical Things to Ask About

• Availability and session times

• Whether they offer online, in-person, or hybrid sessions

• Current waiting times

• Fees and payment arrangements

• Flexibility around scheduling

  
  

Many therapists have limited availability and may not be able to offer you anything if your time window is very limited.

The more flexible you can be with your time, the better.

Some therapists don't offer evening sessions, and many operate a waiting list. If so, ask for an indication of wait times.

At this stage, I’d recommend staying as open and flexible as you can. It is likely that you may not be able to find someone who matches all your requirements perfectly and that you'll need to compromise.

When you find someone you connect with and feel that they can support you to get to where you want to be, you might find that the practical issues suddenly become less important.

So, if you feel that their availability, pricing, location, and expertise match your requirements, I recommend booking an initial session.

What to Ask a Therapist in an Initial Session

Some therapists will make notes during this session and ask you a lot of questions.

This can feel a little daunting but bear in mind that a professional therapist should be serious about getting a clear picture of your struggles as they assess their ability to help you.

Many clients initially focus on how well they feel listened to and supported. This is, of course, very important, but so is how the therapist explains how they can help you.

Here are some questions you may wish to consider:

1. Do you feel the therapist has understood your struggles and what you have come for?

2. Have they asked you what your goal is—that is, how you would like to feel at the end of your sessions?

3. Have they given you an explanation of what they think is happening and how they are proposing to work with you?

4. Have they set out their terms and conditions, including their cancellation and confidentiality policy?

   
   

A Few Potential Red Flags

You are likely to feel nervous meeting your therapist for the first time, so you may wish to write your questions down if that feels helpful.

If their explanation of how they propose to work with you seems hazy or contains too much jargon, ask for clarification.

If it's still not clear, I would see this as a red flag.

You're not looking for a standardised protocol here, but therapy that is tailored to you and the difficulties you are experiencing.

Most therapists won't expect a decision from you straight away. If they do, walk away.

Give Yourself Time to Reflect

After the session, give yourself some reflection time and check in with how you feel.

Ask yourself:

• Did I feel heard and seen?

• Did I feel supported?

• Were my questions answered clearly?

• Did I feel safe with this person?

• Can I imagine myself speaking openly with this person?

Many people will know at this stage whether they would like to continue seeing the therapist.

However, I would always recommend meeting at least two different therapists so that you get a sense of how they work differently and who may be a better fit for you personally.

Finding the Right Therapist Is a Process

Finding the right therapist is a process with an outcome that should benefit you.

As such, there is no one way of going about this.

Ideally, you want to feel heard, seen, and supported immediately, and come to new understanding and awareness about yourself.

Further Reading

In my next article, I go into more depth about:

• Different types of therapy

• The difference between a therapist and a counsellor

• Whether these distinctions matter

• The practicality of fortnightly sessions

  
  

Thinking About Starting Therapy?

Whether you’re looking for therapy in Brighton or online, you're welcome to get in touch for an initial conversation. There is no obligation to continue—sometimes a brief conversation is simply a useful place to begin.

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